My boys.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the love that I feel for my sons. Tonight, Cole was a raving lunatic. He went to bed late last night because of a birthday party and had a horrible nap today because Luke woke him up, so by 5:30pm he was no longer his sweet self. Every question I asked was responded with a desperate cry and whine that I couldn't understand and finally, I had my fill and took him to his bed. He screamed for about 20 minutes. I took a shower while he screamed, so that I wouldn't have to hear him. I got out of the shower just before he stopped. I went to the kitchen and made dinner (salmon and peas). I was holding Luke while I made dinner. Holding him in my left arm facing out. He was cranky too because he didn't take very good naps today. I was pacing the kitchen while the salmon cooked on the stove and Luke was quietly bouncing in my arm. Next thing I know I hear a grunt and a huge splat. I look at the floor and see that Luke has sprayed lovely mustard colored cottage cheese everywhere. I know, TMI, but these are the daily happenings of a mom. Anyway, I call to Travis to come help me and he begrudgingly meanders into the kitchen. I say to him, "Either you take the baby or clean up the poop". He takes Luke from me and I wipe off his legs and feet. I do a once over on myself and amazingly enough, I have nothing on me! It's the little things:) I cleaned up the floor and Travis took Luke back to his room and then I heard the screaming. I can only assume that Luke woke up Cole while Travis was changing him. I plated up the food and left it on the counter and went to see what was happening. I walked into Cole's room and he was in hysterics in his crib, Luke was lying on the floor and Travis was looking at me with steam coming out of his ears. Travis proceeded to tell me that Cole started screaming, he walked in and put Luke down so that he could pick Cole up and Cole freaked out on him and didn't want Travis to touch him. Travis was pissed. I walked over to Cole and picked him up. He wrapped his arms around my neck and stopped screaming immediately. Travis took Luke into the living room and I brought him his dinner. He patted Luke for a bit and he fell asleep on his shoulder. I grabbed my own plate and sat down in the recliner next to Travis and Cole fell asleep on me almost instantly. We both ate our food propped on the arms of our chairs with our free hand. Travis looked miserable but I couldn't help but smile. They woke up about 20 minutes later, which I totally predicted to Travis. Cole was still a bit out of sorts, so I took him into the kitchen and let him pick out whatever he wanted to eat for dinner. He chose pretzels, a peach and cottage cheese. He sat in his chair eating and slowly became himself again. Again, I smiled. I love that I can keep my cool (for the most part) when my kids are freaking out. And I love that I am sometimes the only one that can calm them. I love my boys more than I ever thought possible. They fill me with the most awesome sense of completeness. They are amazing to watch and listen to and even smell;) As tired as I can get and as crazy as I feel sometimes, I just love them and I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing, I was meant to be a mom. To finish the evening, I had Travis sit with Cole while he finished his dinner and I gave Luke his bath and put him to bed. Luke is awesome in the tub now. He LOVES the water and smiles and splashes and kicks and squeals. I can't help but keep him in the tub longer than is necessary because he's just so dang happy. I love his tiny feet and his tiny pajamas:) He goes to bed so well now, I can't even believe it. Sometimes he fusses for a few minutes but it never takes too long for him to settle in for the night. He is like a little cuddly ball of sunshine:) I returned to Cole and let him know that he would be going to bed in 5 minutes. He asked for his nightly cup of crushed ice and asked if we could watch the doedunner on mommy's bed:) Cole has recently fallen in love with Warner Bros. cartoons, ie. Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig etc. and most importantly the Road Runner:) I bought him a 4 dvd disc set of the cartoons forever ago and I love that he has finally discovered them. They are my favorite cartoons. They are definitely violent and some of the humor is not kid appropriate but I think all of that goes over his head, as I think it did when I was a kid:) Every time Wylie Coyote falls off a cliff or gets blown up, he just says, silly coyote:) And he LOVES that the doedunner says beep beep and is "REALLY FAST"!! We watched cartoons for about 15 minutes and then I told him it was time for bed. He grabbed his cup, walked out to Travis and for the first time said goodnight daddy, love you and gave him a kiss without me having to instruct him:) We walked back to his room, I gave him a big kiss and hug, turned on his moon and turned out the lights. "Love you Mommy" was the last thing I heard as I shut the door. I love being his mom. As simple as tonight was, I just wanted to write it all down, so I remember my babies when they were babies. When they slept on our shoulders, took super fun baths, ate cottage cheese and pretzels for dinner and told us they loved us without hesitation. I'm going to bed now with a bursting heart and a smile:)

4 Months...it's geting better

So, I don't think I've written about this horrible cough that Luke has had since he was about 2 weeks old. It started off not too terrible but it did sound like he was barking. I know what croup sounds like and that's what it sounded like to me. I called his pediatrician and told him about the cough when he was about a month old and he said that we live in the desert and it's allergy season, so this cough was not uncommon and it would just go away. He also told me all of the regular stuff that they tell you when your kid is sick...elevate the head of his bed, run a humidifier, keep an eye out for fevers, etc. All of this, I was already doing. So, his two month appointment comes and he still has his cough. I tell the pediatrician and he just repeats himself and I explain to him that I have been doing all of the preventative stuff since he was born and nothing seems to be helping him. Of course, Lucas does not cough while we are seeing him and he is such a happy little rotund baby, that the doctor looked at me like I was a little crazy. I asked him if it was normal for him to be barking for over a month and he said that it would just run its course. Sure, thanks. So month 3 rolls around and his barking is getting much worse and by now I'm expecting Luke to sleep through the night somewhat and he is waking up every two hours having horrible coughing fits. So, I called his doctor again and set up an appointment. We went in and I told him that I would not be leaving until he gave me some sort of remedy or explanation for his coughing. He gave us a prescription for some medicine like albuterol (but not albuterol) and told me to put it in a nebulizer. I just happened to have one at home because my sister in law Heather brought it over because I told her about Luke's cough and she thought it might help. The doctor also ordered a chest x-ray, although he told me that it wasn't necessary. We brought Luke home and ran the medicine through the nebulizer but he sounded a thousand times worse a few hours later...great. That night COLE woke up in the middle of the night barking like mad! We put him on the nebulizer with just saline solution in it and made him breathe it for about 20 minutes. He fell asleep while we were doing it, so we decided that I would take him to the doctor the next day. We went to the doctor to get Cole checked out and have the x-ray done on Luke. Cole had a little cough but seemed fine, so it seemed that the nebulizer really helped him out. We were told that Luke's pediatrician would call us the following day with the results. Another sleepless night for me and Luke:( Every two hours waking up was taking its toll on me for sure. My patience was slipping with Cole and Travis and I could feel me just not being normal anymore. I felt like a zombie. the next day came and nobody called. I called them in the afternoon and left a message, still no return call. I called the next morning...no return call. After Luke's first nap, he woke up having such a terrible coughing fit, that he could hardly catch his breath. His breathing in sounded like he was a harmonica. I rushed him to the urgent care and explained what was going on to the doctor. Guess what...he told me to run a humidifier and elevate the head of his bed and that it would just run its course...really???!?!?!?!! I asked if this cough would last forever because it had already been going on for almost all of his life. He kind of chuckled...yes, chuckled and told me that it was a virus and there is nothing you can do for a virus except wait for it to be over. I wanted to scream. I asked him if he could take a look at his x-rays because that is where we had them done, so he left and looked at them and came back to tell me that there was nothing wrong. Chest was clear. Although this was good news, I still needed a better answer than, he'd just get over it. I bought a $200 cool mist humidifier and put it in Luke's room. It felt like Hawaii in there:) I could tell that it eased his cough a tiny bit because it didn't sound SO dry but he was still barking uncontrollably and was waking himself up all throughout the night. Last week, I took him in for his 4 month appointment and when the doctor came in, he asked me how Lucas was and I could tell that he had no idea who we were or that we had been there 2 other times in the past month. I explained to him that Luke was barking and thank goodness, Luke actually barked on cue! The doctor looked at me and said, "That does not sound good!". DUH!!!!! He said that even if it was a virus, it should not last longer than 8 weeks max. DUH!!!!! So, he said that we would have to go see a pulmonary specialist and that he would put in for a referral with our insurance. He also said that he suspected that Luke has Tracheomalacia. It means he has a soft trachea (which makes breathing a bit difficult and causes coughing fits) and it is something he was born with. I felt so much better leaving the doctor's office with some sort of answer, even though I was a bit scared. That night, even Luke slept a lot better:) The next night he only woke up twice and the day before my birthday he only woke up once and didn't cough when he woke up! I honestly don't know what the deal is but he has been sleeping like a champ ever since. Apparently, Tracheomalacia goes away at about 18-24 months of age because the trachea finally gets harder. But, if that is what he has, Luke is ahead of schedule:) He still sounds barky when he coughs but it is a world away from how he was sounding a few weeks ago. We also started him on cereal earlier this week and I gave him some peas for dinner last night and he gobbled them up!! He has been a lot more chatty ever since he started sleeping better. You can tell that he has a raspy voice too. He is just all smiles and LOVES his older brother so much. He just beams when Coley comes around:) Napping is getting on more of a schedule and I am slowly starting to feel like myself again. I'm considering not going to the specialist when the referral goes through. Only because, if that is what he has, there is still nothing we can do for him. And they have to put him under anesthesia to put a scope down into his lungs, which freaks me out. But I'll decide when it comes time to make the appointment. For now, I am enjoying my little chubby, happy, well rested baby and I am REALLY enjoying sleeping better!