I had another mini melt down last night. I was just sitting in my recliner watching some tv and just started crying uncontrollably. I miss Travis so much it hurts. I'm also so overwhelmed at work with all that I have to do plus take care of Cole. My dad and Gail haven't been to work in over a week because Gail had surgery on her back. So, on top of everything else that I do at work, I now have to add all of Gail's responsibilities (mainly accounting & payroll). Anyway, I was crying and crying so I called Travis but he was asleep and pretty much just mumbled to me for a minute before he was completely quiet. Yeah, he fell asleep while he was mumbling. So I just said I loved him, good night and hung up. I called my sister Sarah and she was great. She pretty much just listened and said alot of uh huhs and I knows. Sometimes what you need is someone to just empathize. I go through the day doing what needs to be done and not thinking too much about how much I'm not getting done or what I'm doing wrong. So it's at the end of the day that everything catches up with me and I reflect on all the stuff I didn't do or could have done differently. Travis just needs to be home NOW. I think that will alleviate a big part of me feeling so lonely and overwhelmed at home. He was supposed to be home at the beginning of April but after the tent fiasco it was bumped to the beginning of May but with the way Travis is talking about their schedule it seems it will be bumped to the beginning of June. I hate this so much I can't even express. Cole's teeth started poking through this week, which is WONDERFUL but also sad because Travis isn't here to experience it. I'm just so sad.
On the happy side. I appreciate my sister Louisa so much. She comes over every 2 days or so and helps me with Cole, so that I can pick up the house or just have a break. She is fabulous with him and I love her for loving me and Cole so much. Also, I am getting my house deep cleaned today as we speak. And I have it set up to be cleaned hereafter every Thursday (dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms, kitchen). This will be a load off my mind! Every day I get home and think about everything I have to pick up, clean, dust, scrub, etc. and it almost makes my head explode. Even after Travis gets home from Wyoming, I'm gonna pay someone else to do it. My opinion is, I can afford it, so why not? More good news is that my sister Sarah is coming in June! She hasn't seen Cole since December and he has changed so much and is so much more fun now:)
The BEST news of all is how amazing my boy is! I can't believe he is already getting his teeth! It makes me a little sad but it is awesome how much he changes day to day. He is so smart and so funny!! I love his chubby butt to pieces. He is such a good boy. I appreciate and love him so much.
I'm staying strong and just waiting for my BFF to be home for good. I miss him so much.
3 comments:
Ok Leann you and Heather just made me feel so much better! I will have to explain that to you later very weird! Im sorry things are so hard for you right now.Isn't it crazy how much we rely on our husbands?! I'm going to stop by tommorrow. Will call you in the morning. Love you lots hang in there!
I am with you there!! I have also been having melt downs almost everyday since John has been gone. And I haven't had to be away from him as long as you have from Travis. I just found out yesturday that Southwest Iron may not even have work for John when he gets back! The dirt works just keep messing up. Although its nice to have the boys together and helping Dad out, it doesn't help us wive at the end of the day with how incredibly lonely we are. Not to mention how much they are missing out on.
I am grateful however, that there John is working and we still have money coming in. I dont know if it would be the same for Travis or not. I do know that Dallas just went up there because of the lack of work with Southwest. And I know that Travis does have other options when he does come back with James Bateman. I guess no one said that this would be easy. Which totally sucks, but I love you and I am here whenever you need me.
I think that its awesome that you have someone coming and cleaning your house. With all that is on your plate you dont need that to weigh it down even more!
Louisa and Sara are so wonderful and I'm so glad that Louisa is able to come and help as much as she does. With as hard as it is with Travis gone, its a blessing that you have such great sisters. And YEAH Sara's coming!!! If you ever want to go out with Lou or just get some free time for yourself I will be more then happy to take Coca Coley for as long as you need Whenever you need.
I love you so much and want to help however I can.
Love, Heather
i love you momma and i,ll be home soon. i miss you and your prettey face too. i,m sorry honey.i miss my handsome little boy too and i love his cool teeth.xoxoxoxoxoxo from,daddy.
Post a Comment